So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
