we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
