Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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