how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
