Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
