my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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