Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
