I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
