My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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