I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
