What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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