i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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