i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
