Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
