For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
