you would pick up someone in the library
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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