I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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