I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
