just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
