I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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