Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
