I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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