Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
