he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
