if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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