Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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