That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
