shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
