Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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