I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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