first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
a search helicopter?!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
