I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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