I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
