1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
