he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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