This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
