my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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