My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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