I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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