We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
