You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
