Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
