I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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