i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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