Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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