I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
