We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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