my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
