Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
