you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
ttyl tear gas
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
