laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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