Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
