id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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