fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Randomize
