I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
