I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
